Startling New Analysis Shows Strava Heatmaps in a Post-Garmin World #Parody

Strava’s legal battle with Garmin is winding down, as reported in Strava’s retreat from its data attribution dispute. Strava backed off its claim that Garmin data needed proper attribution.

In a tongue-in-cheek analysis, we imagined a world where Strava loses these lawsuits, Garmin cuts off data to Strava Connect, and Strava Heatmaps—a vibrant web of activity—turn into… just maps.

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Methodology

Our satirical study began with local Strava Heatmaps in South West London, where the author resides. We cross-referenced ten years of aggregated Strava metadata with unverified Fitbit uploads from 10 dog walks in Bushy Park (including a parkrun). This sample simulated the volume of data Strava would receive without uploads from Garmin.

We expanded the dataset to Greater London, incorporating activity from various dog-walking services like TW Dogs and Paws Academy. This “canine-fueled” data mimicked contributions from non-Garmin sources (e.g., Apple, Wahoo, Nike Run Club).

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Supporting Research

We consulted Dr Miles K. Perhour, a Data Flow and Geospatial Futility Consultant at St Mary’s University.

Coincidentally, he was partway through a major research project into the Sociological Impact of Suddenly Not Knowing Where Other People Ran, funded by a £50k government grant.

He was struggling a bit with his project, so we compared notes and soon concluded: “Strava wouldn’t know where people ran.”

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My Results

The Poodle Correlation Coefficient (r-value) between our dog-walking dataset and Strava’s non-Garmin data was 0.72, indicating a strong positive relationship (p-value < 0.001). In plain terms, dog walks perfectly proxied Strava Heatmaps without Garmin data. The result? Strava’s Heatmaps become…errr…Maps, as shown below:

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Heatmaps-to-Maps: The Takeaway

While it’s a good move to call something as it is, I suspect moving from ‘Heatmap’ to ‘Map’ is too stark a name change for Strava. But the story goes deeper, and Strava has a cunning plan that no one has yet grasped.

One of my regular cycling buddies, a patent lawyer, told me that in April 2024, Strava registered a patent for ‘Maps’. I have a sneaky suspicion that the company plans to follow the successful action against Garmin with a move to take away some of Apple’s billions by claiming patent infringement on its use of the word ‘Maps’ in ‘Apple Maps’. Apple will likely roll over quickly and pay up; it’s what they do.

I’ll end controversially: Strava could save some legal fees, drop the nonsense, and focus on improving the usability and relevance of its app. Just a thought.

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No Animals Harmed

Per the American Humane Association, no animals were harmed in this research.

 

Last Updated on 30 January 2026 by the5krunner